Forgive and Regret
by Agnes.of.Evil
Summary: AU NH mostly from Nathan's perspective.  Snapshot of a dark phase in Nathan's life.  Is he destined for a life of regrets and unhappiness?  M rated for a scene of an adult nature.


**Disclaimer 1: this story contains content of an adult nature, hence the M rating.**

**Disclaimer 2: I do not own anything affiliated with One Tree Hill.**

I just wanted to take a quick moment and thank everyone for their overwhelming feedback. Since I've had such a great response, and lots of requests to write more for NH, I've put together a few notes for upcoming fics. I've got to get into "Naley head space" to complete them, but here is the next one I've done. It's less raunchy, and a little darker than the others.

Thanks again for your invaluable feedback!

Agata

* * *

><p>There are no "Welcome Home" hero signs or marching bands or welcoming committees when he walks through the arrivals terminal of the small airport in his small hometown. There are no groupies, no kids chasing autographs, no journalists waiting to catch a million-dollar soundbyte. There is no-one. He should have expected this, after everything he has been through – after everything he has done.<p>

He walks slowly with his head down, one bag slung over his shoulder as he wheels his other bag behind him. As he exits the airport, he struggles to adjust to the bright sunlight, and when his eyes re-focus, he sees the outline of a woman haunted by her recent past, shadows playing cruel tricks on her looks; it is his mother. He stops before her and drops his bag from his shoulder as he looks at her, pleading with his eyes for forgiveness. She steps closer to him, and with one sharp movement, she slaps his face then pulls him into an unexpected embrace before proceeding to break down in his arms.

* * *

><p>The drive from the airport to home is silent. Not even the sound of the radio is played, and he sits in the passenger seat wishing they were home already. He hasn't been home in a while – not since his father… - not since <em>then<em>, and the guilt and shame start to eat away at him again.

He steals a glance at his mother and notices that the stress and strain has taken its toll on her. She is still beautiful, she has always been beautiful, but her youthful looks have been stolen from her by his actions – by the actions of a few, including possibly herself, but she remains determined, even if she is a little fragile these days.

He mentally checks off the familiar landmarks as they drive across town, most of them passing by in a blur, but still here after all this time. He wonders if some of the people he used to know are also still here after all this time.

He is surprised when his mother drives past one of the streets they would usually drive down en route to the house – he sees there is road works, and all traffic is redirected through another part of town. She takes the next street and all of a sudden his breathing becomes tight – they are heading down a very familiar street and pass a house that he used to stand in front of numerous times in high school. It's the house of the girl he screwed over – the one girl that ever meant anything to him – and as her house comes into view, he sinks a little in the passenger seat, hoping that his mother will speed up and drive by very quickly.

His mother navigates through a few more streets and shortly they drive through the boom gate of their gated community. Back in high school, he used to think he was king shit for living in this area – a privileged kid getting everything he wanted handed to him on a silver platter – but now he sees the community like a prison. His mother nods and waves to the security guard on duty, and for the first time in forever, he notices the houses in this community all look identical. They are "cookie cutter" homes, with their large frontage and manicured lawns, and foreign made cars sitting in the drives. He thinks the families who live here are all as miserable as his has been over the years. The mothers are all closet, alcoholic Stepford Wives, and the fathers are all having affairs with the secretaries at work. It's just how it is.

Using the remote to open the garage door, his mother slowly comes to a stop and gets out of the car without looking his way. She has popped the trunk at least, which means he can easily get his luggage and go up to his room. As he walks in, he sees his mother has already poured herself a scotch, neat, and is currently draining the glass. Not exactly the best example to set around him, all things considered. He makes his way up the stairs as he hears his mother on the phone to someone, informing them that he has arrived.

As he opens the door to his room, he sees that it has remained mostly unchanged. The layout is how he remembers it, and as he opens the wardrobe, he sees his mother has boxed up his playing trophies. It doesn't bother him too much – it looks like care has been taken to cover them in bubble wrap – but he's not sure why she would pack them away. All of his other personal effects – CDs, photos, video games – were all boxed up and shipped to college, and then shipped again to his own place in Charlotte when he was drafted.

He unzips his bags and starts putting away his clothes and shoes in their respective homes. He figures he'll be here a while, and there's no away to avoid it. He has a few CDs tossed in his bag, and he takes those out with this laptop. Until he gets himself sorted out, he'll have to play them on his computer. It's a new laptop, but like the other three he's had since college, he's migrated all his personal files over. There are some of _her. _Just some pictures and video he's had since high school. He never told anyone about the files – they were just for his eyes only, and nearly ten years later he reckons he's played or watched them nearly every day.

He surveys his room after unpacking and his past starts to come back to him. He presses a hand to his head as his sits on the bed and tries to figure out a way to erase the past.

* * *

><p>The smell of food wafts up the stairs, and he sits bolt upright on the bed, realising that he has spent the last few hours asleep. He goes into his en-suite and splashes some cold water on his face before heading down to the kitchen. He sees his mother sitting at the breakfast bench, thumbing through a magazine as she waits for something on the stove to finish boiling.<p>

Seeing him come into the kitchen, she hops off her stool and gets some plates and cutlery out of the cupboards and drawers. She hasn't had a meal in the formal dining room for a long time, and she isn't going to start now. She places the settings at the kitchen counter and tells him she's going to serve dinner now. He mumbles "thank you" and notices that she hasn't made proper eye contact with him since the airport. He goes to help her with pouring drinks into the glasses, and she tells him not to trouble himself; that she'll do it. He offers once more and she relents, telling him there's soda and juice in the fridge.

The meals are served and the drinks are poured, but they eat in silence for the first few minutes. Taking the initiative he tries to start a dialogue with her and asks her the age-old question about weather. She can see through the line of questioning, but plays along and tells him it's been unseasonably warm lately. They continue with the small talk and keep things civil for the sake of civility before a few more moments of silence. He moves his fork around the plate, pushing food around before he feels a sharp pain radiating in his head. He can't stand the silence and rests his cutlery on his dinner plate, before turning to his mother and placing his hand over hers – effectively stopping her from moving her own cutlery.

He looks at her and whispers "Mom". Her head is down still looking at her dinner plate, but he can see she is trying to fight back the beginnings of tears. He says "Mom" again, and she slowly raises her head and looks at him, her mouth quivering as she still fights off any form of tearful emotion. His own eyes are starting to sting, and he simply says to her, "I'm sorry for everything."

She looks away and nods her head in partial acceptance of his apology, before turning back to him with a curt smile and saying, "We should clear these dishes. I've got dessert for us."

* * *

><p>The remainder of the evening is spent in front of the television, watching random shows that he hasn't seen before. He lets his mother pick and change the channels, and she makes the odd comment here and there about the program or the actor on the screen. He nods his head and offers whatever contribution to the conversation he can make, but generally lets her take control of the flow of conversation.<p>

Just before midnight, he looks over and sees that his mother has fallen asleep. Switching off the television, he goes over to the sofa and wakes her up gently, encouraging her to go up to bed. He gives her the blanket from the back of the sofa and wraps it around her, as she shuffles slowly up the stairs. They say goodnight in the hallway, and she hesitates for a moment before going over and giving him a small hug and kiss on the cheek. She walks into her room and he is left standing there, watching her walk away, and for the first time he feels like he made a small step forward with his mom.

* * *

><p>He half-expected a rough night of tossing and turning so it's no surprise when he wakes the following morning and feels like he's been hit with a bat. He lumbers into the shower and turns the faucet all the way over to hot. He runs his head under it, and hopes the shower will help wash away everything.<p>

He steps out of the shower and grabs a towel which he wraps around his waist, and moves to the basin, wiping the condensation away from the mirror. He sees himself in the mirror, and he feels ashamed. He almost doesn't recognise himself, but the raven hair and blue eyes are hard to mistake.

He throws some workout clothes on and heads down stairs to the kitchen. He sees his mother rifling through her purse and goes over to kiss her 'good morning'. Her response is chipper, and he's glad she hasn't rejected him – a sign that last night's mini-breakthrough was no fluke. He pours some coffee for both them, and they have a small conversation about their plans for the day. He tells her he's going to go for a run and a bit of a workout and she tells him she'll be out shopping for the most of the day.

As they head off in different directions, he places his earphones in and starts jogging, heading for the Market Street Docks.

* * *

><p>It's been a while since he was last here at this particular spot, and he looks over the railings at the docks into the water, watching it ebb and flow. There are several small commercial vessels making their way down the river, and it is surprisingly calming to watch them go about their business. He pulls back from the railings and takes a seat on one of the wooden benches. He can confidently say that all of the best memories he has of this area involve <em>her<em>. Haley James. The one girl in high school who tipped his world upside down but didn't have a clue the effect she had on him.

_She's sitting at the table, text books piled high, as she works on an essay for English. She's busy making furious notes which she'll type up later when she's back at home, but if she doesn't capture this now, she fears she'll forget it all and her essay will only be half the length it's supposed to be._

_He's running along the boardwalk, looking at his watch, and he knows he's running late. Basketball practice ran late and Whitey decided to punish the whole team for Tim's errors. Stupid fucking Tim. _

_He sees her small frame sitting at the table and rushes up to her, out of breath as he apologizes for his lateness. She looks up and offers him a small non-committal smile as he takes the seat opposite her. He apologises again and she waves it away, telling him they still have time to make a start on the tutoring._

_They spend the next hour dissecting the English essay, and towards the end the tutoring turns to general conversation about basketball and schedules. He knows when she has to work at the café, and she is fully versed on the ever-changing basketball schedule. She hints that she kinda-sorta knew his basketball schedule because Lucas is on the team. He nods at her comment, not sure what to say – he still has a way to go before fully embracing Lucas as a team member and a brother, but progress has still been made, regardless._

_She sits and stares at him for a moment, tapping her pencil on the table, before she suddenly drops it on the table and looks at her watch. Seeing the time, she mutters a very un Haley-like "shit" before gathering her belongings and apologizing for having to leave early._

_He helps her put everything in her backpack, and as they both try and ram the last of the books on her bag, their hands touch, and for a split-second there is no movement. He suddenly feels very hot under the collar, and offers to drive her wherever she needs to go. Looking at her watch again, and staring up Market Street, she looks back at him and nods "OK"._

_She directs him to her house and when they pull up, they sit in silence for a few moments, before Haley thanks him for the ride for the millionth time. He laughs at her and tells her "no problem, anytime" for the millionth time and again the silence takes over. Sensing the awkwardness, Nathan jumps out of the driver's side and comes around to Haley's side of the car, opening the rear passenger door to get out her backpack, and then opening her door._

_He walks her up to her front door and watches as she unlocks it – she's about to walk inside when he stops her to give her the backpack. He's trying to buy some time, not sure what he'll do when he gets it, but he's not ready to say goodbye just yet. They're both shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, almost in a mirrored dance, before they both utter a similar "Well, I guess I should be going/getting inside". They laugh at each other's comments, and as they say goodbye and begin to turn away, Haley reaches out and grabs his wrist, turning him back to her as she says, "You're really starting to turn it all around and doing so well, Nathan. You should be very proud of what you've achieved…I'm really proud of you." _

"_Thanks, that means a lot to hear that from you". They both keep radiating warm smiles as they finally let go and say goodbye for the day. _

* * *

><p>He walks along the boardwalk, taking in the familiar surroundings as he spies the Rivercourt across the way. He'll make his way there later, but wants to take in more of this part of town.<p>

After walking up Market Street he sees the familiar the signage of Karen's Café and he stops dead in his tracks. He's not sure if he wants to go in there yet, or even at all. He wants to turn down the street before he reaches the café but he hears a woman's voice calling out his name. Karen Roe. There was a time when his father was in love Karen Roe, but abandoned her after getting her pregnant in senior year. He heard she gave birth to their son, Lucas, but by then he had already met, impregnated and married Deborah Lee.

His father's personal history has been a noose around his neck for years – for both himself and his mother. It's something he has carried around with mixed emotions. Being Dan Scott's son has brought pleasure and pain, but mostly just unbearable unhappiness.

He shakes off the memories and walks up to Karen – he feels uncomfortable being here – not only at her café, but in Tree Hill generally. She stares up at him for a moment, and he is unable to read the emotion on her face. Her eyes start to mist a little and she pulls him into a motherly embrace. It is an odd feeling, not just because this tiny slip of a woman is embracing a man twice her size, but because she _feels_ for him and what he has been through. He returns the embrace, a silent acknowledgement that _a lot _has happened and she invites him in to the café for some coffee and a meal. He gladly accepts and as they push through the front door, the bell attached to the door chimes, and that's when he sees _her_ walking out from the kitchen wiping down a clean coffee pot.

Haley. His Haley.

She stops dead in her tracks as she sees who has walked through the door with Karen. She feels like she has seen a ghost, and she is sure that registers on her face. Her hand starts to shake, and the coffee pot feels like it weighs a tonne, although it is completely empty. She whispers "Nathan", though more to herself, and tries to place the coffee pot on the counter, but misses completely and it smashes to a million pieces once it hits the ground.

Karen and Nathan both rush over to her, as she tries to clean up the mess, and Karen tells her not to worry as she tries to usher both Haley and Nathan away. They both insist on helping, but Karen is having none of it, and they both stand up to move out of the way, staring at each for what feels like forever. She quickly asks Karen for a ten minute break, and when Karen laughs and says "of course", she takes Nathan's hand and leads him up to the rooftop area.

As the door closes behind them, Nathan takes in the view from the roof. He smiles a little, glad to see that the view from up here hasn't changed either, and then turns around to focus his attention solely on Haley. She has a look on her face that is either rapture or hatred, or maybe both, but he is glad she hasn't slapped him…yet. He can see she is running her teeth over her bottom lip, unsure of how to start the conversation, so he starts for her and tells her it's great to see her.

She puts her hands on her hips and laughs a little at his opening line, before nodding in agreement. She honestly doesn't know which question to ask first – there's a million and one questions floating around in her head, but she's learning to ask first before she jumps to any conclusions. The last thing she wants is to come across like a jealous ex-girlfriend, because truth be told, she was never Nathan Scott's girlfriend.

She tells him she finishes at seven o'clock if he wants to catch up over dinner tonight, and he almost says "yes" before she finishes the sentence, he is so eager. Looking at her watch, she sees she has about five minutes left of her break, and tells him it really is great to see him. Walking over to him, she kisses his cheek and gives him a quick hug before he follows her back downstairs. He thinks today isn't so bad after all, if the warm welcomes from Karen and Haley are anything to go by.

* * *

><p>He practically sprints home, feeling as though a corner of some sort has been turned. He has waited a long time for good things to happen in his life, and he feels like this is just the beginning.<p>

He practically yanks the front door off of its hinges as he barrels through it, knowing that his mother is still out shopping. He runs up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and in to his room, throwing his clothes into the hamper.

Jumping into the shower he whistles – yes, whistles – as the hot water runs over him. He knows full well that tonight's dinner with Haley could very well end in tears, but he is quietly hopeful that they can find their way back to some sort of familiar ground.

He didn't fail to notice how much _more_ beautiful she had become – he had always thought she was beautiful, something he couldn't say about most of the Tree Hill girls. Some had been pretty or cute, but Haley was _beautiful_. He found that part of his attraction to her was the simple fact that she never saw herself in _that_ light. She felt she was inadequate compared to the rest of the girls at school, but the truth was those girls couldn't hold a candle to her beauty.

His attraction to her had not waned over the years, and today was a stark reminder of that. He tilts his head down and sees the evidence of his desire for her – it's not the first time thoughts of Haley have done this to him - and placing one hand on the tiled wall, he simply smirks as he turns the faucet all the way over to cold.

* * *

><p>He is nervous as all heck as he approaches her front door. He is willing his hands to stop shaking, but this just seems so overwhelming for some reason. He mentally tells himself to stop being so childish – he's on the wrong side of twenty five, for fuck's sake – he can handle dinner with an old friend. Even if that friend was someone who entered his world and shook it to its very foundations.<p>

He presses the doorbell and stands a back a little, running a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time. He hears some movement behind the door and braces himself for whatever reception he receives – he's sure it will be good if today's encounter was anything to go by.

The door swings open and he is surprised to see Haley towel-drying her hair. She apologizes and says things got crazy at the café and now she's running a little late. He tells her not to worry and follows her in to the house, taking in everything along the way to the kitchen. She turns to him and nods at the bottle of wine he forgets he's holding, and he mentally kicks himself again for being a dickhead. He gives her the bottle and she gives him a warm smile before telling him it's her favourite (score!).

She disappears for a second, throwing the towel into the neighboring laundry room and re-enters smoothing her hair together and putting it up quickly and neatly into a bun. He notices a few wisps of hair fall loose and she apologizes again for not being fully ready. Taking in her appearance – just fresh from the shower, and minimal make up – he thinks she looks absolutely beautiful, but he's not sure how to tell her that without scaring her.

They are both staring at each other – something in the air has changed – and both are unsure of what to do next. Placing her hand on her hip, she offers him a drink, and they sit at the kitchen island as she adds the finishing touches to dinner.

The scene is set for a very informal dinner as she serves up the meals and leads them to the dining area, adjoining the kitchen. After the informal pleasantries and "bon appetites", they eat in silence for a few moments, both nervous to take the next verbal step. A sip of wine gives her the Dutch courage she needs, and she starts off slowly asking him simply "So, how has your life _really_ been, Nathan?"

* * *

><p>The conversation has moved to the living room, and sitting positions on the sofa change every five minutes. There is a steady stream of dialogue – not always in chronological order – but at least pieces of the puzzle are coming together. She sits patiently, listening to him tell her trivial things about summer breaks and college programs, and she guesses that he's working up the courage to get to the meatier parts of his life.<p>

He avoids the bigger issues for as long as possible, and tries to walk down memory lane with her, bringing up various "Hey remember when Tim…" stories, and she laughs at the stories he shares.

She gets the sense that his "cocky jock" days are behind him, or on hiatus, and realizes that she is going to have to "hold his hand" through this. She will need to prod and prompt him further if she wants to hear the nitty-gritty.

"Hey", she says, "remember senior prom?" He smirks at her, his eyes suddenly brightening, "How could I forget? We both agreed to go stag". It's a memory that brings a bittersweet smile to their faces.

_They agreed to turn up late – separately - but late nonetheless. They had also agreed their matching colour would be royal blue. He has driven to the prom, something to help him NOT drink to excess tonight, as he hoped he would also be driving Haley home as well._

_He's been milling around the refreshments for nearly twenty minutes, checking his watch nearly every minute. He's become a changed person this year – a person he likes, and that's been a first. He attributes the change to her – she didn't change him, mind you – she just opened the door to a whole other world that he had been missing out on. That world also included a brother, and as he thinks about that, he sees his brother dancing with Brooke Davis. As if on cue, Luke looks around the room and nods a gesture at Nathan, which is returned in kind. _

_The other obvious change in his life is, of course, his close friendship with Haley James – although he has been thinking of ways in the last few months to change their friendship into something more. His attraction to her is unprecedented – he has never felt anything remotely as serious – and he wonders if this is it; if this is what being in love feels like. _

_If it is, he doesn't want to let her go._

_He sees her walk in the room and she says "hello" to a few familiar faces along the way. It doesn't take her long to spy him at the other end of the room, and she walks over to him, never breaking eye contact. Her dress looks different – albeit he only saw it on the hanger once – but he guesses that the amazing curves of Haley James could make a potato sack look sexy, and here she is, taking his breath away in the midnight blue creation, her hair falling in curls past her shoulders, and her eyes smokey, but not overly done. He knows if he doesn't control his breathing or his actions, he is either going to pass-out or try to make out with her in front of their entire school._

_They spend most of the evening on the sidelines talking and interacting with several friends, mostly Lucas, Brooke, Tim, and the Rivercourt boys. He doesn't fail to notice other classmates whispering and pointing in their direction – they're putting two and two together and getting five; but if Nathan had his way they'd be together already. To counter those rumours, there's other talk of pranks being pulled by Tim and a few others on the basketball team, but that's all being kept hush-hush for the after-party. _

_The after-party. That's where he thinks he'll try and escalate things with Haley – put everything on the line and tell her how he feels. He's watching her now watch everyone else dancing, and decides he'll take a chance here – he doesn't dance, but for her he'd do the fucking Macarena. They hold each other at a slight distance as the song begins, but then he starts to bring her closer, and he feels her relax a little. She looks up at him and they smile, before she rests her head against his chest. He fucking loves it. He smiles like a Cheshire cat and as he surveys the room, he catches the attention of Lucas who gives him a shit-eating grin._

_Everyone is starting to show up at Tim's for the after party, and he's not surprised at how drunk everyone is already. He's been good tonight and stuck to the sodas, and so has Haley, he's noticed. He's managed to get her alone and they're talking at the far corner of the backyard, away from Tim and Fedec's quest for nude dares. They look over occasionally and laugh at whatever Tim has just done, before continuing their conversation. Nathan's leg is starting to jig and even Haley knows there's something up with him when she sees that. He tells her he's just nervous about college and can't stop thinking about it. She places a calming hand on his knee and he stops jigging, placing his hand over hers, and looking at her as he takes a breath and tells her how beautiful she looks. She blushes and says thank you, telling him he scrubs up pretty well too, and he smirks at that comment. _

_Before he can think things through, he leans in and kisses her knowing he can't use alcohol as an excuse the next morning. She responds to the kiss, but then pushes him away, asking him why he did it. "Because I've wanted to do that all year", he replies. She blows out a breath and tells him she's wanted him to kiss her, but things would have been so different if he'd done that at the beginning of the year. Now, she says, they're going to schools on either side of the country, and she doesn't know what to make of the kiss. He is kicking himself mentally, over and over, because he knows he fucked up. If he'd just grown a pair and made his move sooner, they could have gone to the same or neighboring colleges, but now, with her going to California and him staying in North Carolina, there's next to no chance of anything happening._

_And so it's over before it begins._

_They both look up when they see a naked Tim jumping into the pool, riding an inflatable pool pony._

* * *

><p>He makes an off-hand remark about it being a typical Tim party, and she agrees, although that wasn't the part of the evening she was remembering. There is a knowing look between them, and in some weird way it is the thing that gets Nathan back on track and he begins to tell her about the dark times in his life.<p>

They center around Dan – every low point in his life can be pinned to his father – and he can't believe he let him have that much effect. From the moment Nathan graduated high school, his father had him enrolled in summer basketball programs at Duke, and made frequent trips to monitor his progress. Nathan tells her that when he wasn't in class or basketball practice, Dan was in his face about one thing or another. It was like Dan found a way to be on campus when he should have just let him be. He would always see his father at games and there was barely a day that passed when Dan didn't have bullshit complaints to hammer into Nathan. It was brutal and relentless.

He continues to tell her about the rest of college, and the interest from NBA teams, and Dan's self-appointment as his manager. The claustrophobic environment Dan created which left little to no time for a personal life. He tells her that Dan forbade him from "dating" and told him point blank one day "that if all you needed was sex, go and pay for it, but don't go out actively looking for relationships, because they will be your ultimate downfall".

The dissolution of his parent's marriage soon follows, and he tells her that although they never divorced, they stopped living together, and it was something his mother never accepted. She never knew who to blame, and in the end, she blamed both Nathan and Dan, without realising what sort of monster Dan had become to their son.

He doesn't want to overload Haley in one night with it all, but he figures he should finish up with the darkest part of his life; being drafted in the NBA and living like a fucking prick until the death of his father and his own subsequent stint in rehab. He confesses that all he wanted was to be nothing like Dan, and in the end it was inevitable that he would turn out _exactly_ like Dan. He becomes the problem player who parties too much and becomes undisciplined on the court; he develops an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and then, one day when the walls finally crash in, he punches his father in public. She knows all of this, because the tabloids have cruelly reported every minute detail, and there are some details reported which she knows are bullshit, so she fully appreciates Nathan's honesty in baring his soul to her tonight.

He says that for one split-moment he forgave his father for everything when Dan refused to press charges, but knew that the gesture would not go without strings attached. Sure enough, he says, Dan starts demanding and insisting on having a greater role in his life, and Nathan tells him he would have rather faced the assault charges. He says his father all of a sudden left after that and somewhat strangely drove back to Tree Hill, where he collapsed and suffered a heart attack while waiting for Deb to come home.

Not attending his father's funeral was the toughest decision he's ever made, he says, but there was no other choice and he tells Haley his mother may never forgive him for it, either. He needed to check into rehab, and being at Dan's funeral would have left him feeling angry and hurt; nothing resolved and no closure. He most likely would've created an unwanted and unnecessary scene.

He tells her he's made mistakes in his life, and he takes full responsibility for his actions. He's not necessarily proud of the person he was, and only the death of his controlling freak-of-a-father started to turn the worm.

He looks vulnerable in this exact moment, but that's OK, because that just makes him even more human, rather than the cold, clinical shell of a person he used to be. His eyes are lit with a mixture of sorrow and relief, but the intent, the desire, to be a better person is evident.

She can't help it – she needs to be a part of his life.

There are tears almost shed as she leans in to kiss him, tentatively; it is their first kiss in several years, after all, but he won't let her get away this time. He needs to be joined with her in some way, and the warm embrace and kisses will be a fine start. He wants to savour everything, but his usual gear is overdrive. Tonight, he'll learn the art of taking it slow. It's got to mean something, or he'll feel like it was all for nothing.

They're standing near the bed, and Haley motions for him to sit down. He doesn't want to stop touching her, but she's insistent. In front of him she stands, and slowly removes her clothing, never breaking eye contact. His heart is pounding and his breathing is erratic – it's almost suffocating him – but being with her far outweighs any anxiety.

She is standing before him now, in just her underwear and she summons a small, shy smile to her face. It's not her first time – she's had sex plenty of times – but this time it's more than sex. This is the start of something real and tangible – something they are both willing to commit to.

He searches her face for any hesitancy, but there is none. In a few short movements, she is on the bed and starting to slide the straps of her bra off her shoulders. She brings her knees up slightly, and beckons him to her, crooking a finger with a "come hither" stare. He toes of his shoes, and climbs on the bed, crawling up to her as he drags a hand along the length of her leg. He can feel the small bumps rise on her leg at the action, and she shifts slightly at the sensation.

They are now side by side, and facing each other, as she runs her hands over the broad expanse of his chest, feeling the solid muscles underneath smooth skin. She makes a mental note to herself to kiss _every inch_ of this man's body over time.

He's hovering over her, kissing and licking a path from nipple to nipple, and then down between her breasts. He has one hand gripping her hip, and he plays with the side band of her panties. His kisses stop when he reaches the top of her panties, but then he proceeds to lick over and down the cotton material until he reaches well between her legs. She spreads her legs slightly, and her hands find the side and back of his head. She doesn't guide him, just rests her hands there, letting him know his actions are very much desired.

His senses are filled with her. He is still licking over the fabric, and can feel the dampness being created from underneath. He lifts the elastic slightly, and his index finger is running along the lips of her entrance. He knows the action will have her squirming, and not only does that become true a second later, she slips a finger under the fabric barrier as well and touches her finger to his. He then enters his finger in her, slowly and with gentle purpose, as she starts to rock against him. She is soon craving more from him, and fully removes her panties.

He helps her take them off as she runs the scrap of fabric down her legs, and flings them to the floor. He looks down on her, surveying her in all of her beautiful, naked glory. He knows there is no such thing as the perfect woman, but he is pretty damned sure Haley James is the closest there is. Her nipples are dusty peaks, and the puckered skin draws him back down to her, so that he can continue tasting her. Her mouth is his first destination, and the kiss is dirty and wanton, and tells them exactly how much they desire each other. His hand brushes lightly over her skin, down her arm, and then her waist and hips, before going back to fully explore between her legs. His fingers plunge in and out of her, and she thrusts back against his hand as she braces herself against him. She feels the taut muscles of his arms and she knows she is becoming wetter by the second. He moans into her mouth as they are still kissing – the feeling of his fingers in her is almost becoming too much for him – and he rubs himself harshly against the mattress. It won't do much good, because he is too aroused by his lover to calm down.

Before she can climax, he cruelly removes his fingers and reaches for his jeans, which are crumpled on the floor by the bed. He pulls out a condom, and tearing open the packet, he tries to remain collected as he slides the condom along his erection. She gently bites the back of her hand in anticipation, but before he enters her with his cock, his head is lowered back down between her legs, and nips and licks at her clitoris before tonguing her and bringing her to climax. She is caught by surprise at the action, and as he moves his head away, she clamps a hand between her thighs together to tamp down the orgasm she is currently riding out. Her eyes are shut and she is pushing back into her pillow as she bites her lower lip. He corrects himself and notes that Haley James _is_ the perfect woman.

As she comes down from her high, she moves her hand away and opens her legs, welcoming him into her cradle. They rock together, as his cock nestles against her thigh, not quite entering her. They continue their ministrations as Haley reaches between them and guides him into her. Once he is fully seated within her, he rises up slowly and looks into her eyes, smiling as he slowly withdraws a fraction, and then thrusts back in to her. She grips onto his shoulders as his thrusts become faster and deeper, and she tilts her pelvis slightly to allow for a different angle. Her legs are bent either side of him, and with one arm, he hooks under her leg so she is left even more open to him. Seeing her beneath him like this is driving him to the brink, and after several moments of erratic and hard thrusting, he pushes against her as his own orgasm is expelled. He moves in small rhythmic thrusts against her as the last stages of his orgasm fade, and he slowly withdraws from her, disposing of the condom so that he can return to her quickly.

His erection is still hard immediately after, but he knows that he will not be able to sustain it after such an intense experience. He would love to pleasure her in all manner of fashions throughout the night, and collapses to the bed beside her, curling a small lock of her hair between his fingers. He leans over and kisses her forehead as she briefly closes her eyes and takes in what has just happened. They join hands and place small butterfly kisses on each other's skin as they drift off to slumber.

* * *

><p>The morning finds them in the early stages of wake – they are spooned together – and his arm is draped over her hip as his hand rubs the sweet flesh between her legs. She is writhing against him and can feel his erection pressing against her back and as he leans over her side a little more, he can easily enter her with his fingers, and he feels the moist arousal within her. His mouth descends on her skin; from her shoulders to the expanse of neck and top of her back. He tries to roll her back gently so that he can position himself above her again, but she is having none of that. She instead moves forward more, lowering her front to the mattress, and then rising up on all fours. She looks over her shoulder at him, a little shyly even, but he is against her a moment later, fully sheathed and slowly enters her. They keep the pace slow and gentle, as his hands run up and down her sides. Every time he enters her, he has to close his eyes at the exquisite feeling it brings him. He's allowing himself to feel emotionally connected for once, rather than just let this be a physical situation.<p>

Their energy spent, he takes a moment to look into her eyes as he draws her to him. He leans in to kiss her, and before his mind can process anything, he tells her he wants to be with her. The kiss doesn't stop – it only deepens, and he takes that as a good sign before she stops and tells him she's never stopped caring or thinking about him. She wants to help him with whatever it is he needs to do in life, but most of all, she just wants to be with him.

They fall short of telling each other "I love you", but they both know it is only a matter of time.

* * *

><p>The months that follow change and flow like the seasons. There are times of hot passion and moments of cold indifference. These are tempered, however, by their constant love for each other. He tells her he can't live without her, and she tells him they should make some changes in their relationship. He panics and proposes marriage, and she laughs and tells him she simply meant they should live together. He stares at her unmoved, his eyes pleading for an answer - she says yes to his proposal.<p>

In the days follow, she helps him move the final bits of his belongings into her house – their house – and he has agreed to take a leave of absence from basketball to concentrate on getting his life back on track. He attends AA meetings, with his mother on some occasions, and slowly learns to live his life without alcohol. He soon realises that he doesn't miss it, and it was always been tied to events involving his father. He spends time with Lucas - the brother he was told to despise, but truth be told, those feelings vanished a long time ago and all he wants now is to mend broken fences. Lucas, being the stand-up guy that he is, holds no grudges and the two take formative steps to being family.

Nathan and Haley's wedding is small and intimate and held in the gated surroundings of the city's botanical gardens. It is perfect to them. It wouldn't have mattered where they were married, but this is their idea of heaven. There are no hangers-on, no media looking for a story, no interruptions whatsoever. The happy couple toast each with sparkling juice and dance their first dance as Mr & Mrs Scott. As the day winds down, Nathan takes a moment to thank his mother for her love and patience, and they embrace for what seems an eternity – all of the negative memories flash and vanish.

They will all start fresh from this point forward.

The End


End file.
